Saturday, August 1, 2015


About two months ago: You know that electric crack of a guitar cable touching the input of a live amp. CRCHZANGSNAP! I was lying in bed about to doze while my son napped next to me and there in my room, as loud as if I were on stage at CBGB’s plugging in my own SG into my Marshall… CRCHZANGSNAP! My eyes popped open, no one had snuck into my room. Could it really be a neighbor? I am still not sure who. It was so loud and miserable and detrimental that I held my breath. Then there was nothing, no sound. I let out my breath and started to doze again. A little later a muffled electric guitar played in another room further away and at a lower volume. Why? I don’t know. I do know that I did not panic, I just allowed it to go away and it did. Sometimes when we worry and cling in fear and project the worst, bad things linger. I’m just saying…Miracles abound.

Tonight the guitar came back as I was putting the kids to bed, a little louder than the bearable muffle of the last time. The baby sat up looking around. It continued. Another neighbor started blasting opera to drown out the sound, loud and clashing. I just lay there calmly and eventually the guitar got adjusted and then the opera, and then everyone fell asleep. Trust.

Then my daughter woke with a stuffed nose, cough and fever. Breath. Ah the rollercoaster…

Friday, July 31, 2015

silly things I missed doing in ny

Every year I go back home a couple of times and I always have a list of things I want to do, places I want to eat, stores I want to check out, streets I want to walk down. I made it to the important places but the truth about life is that you never get to do everything you want to do. I never got to do everything I wanted to do there even when I lived in new york. There are always concerts in central park and exhibits at different museums, and blocks I want to walk down. Jeepers, in Manhattan alone there are over 200 numbered streets, so probably over 300 counting everything below Houston and including avenues. Hard to touch it all. Still I want to

So here is a silly short list of the things I missed doing:

Going to Dojo's, first and foremost. I have been wanting to go there for 3 years now. There was rumor it was closing and I was in town and I still did not get there. I just want a soy burger dinner, but then I think about how heavy it is and how far a trek to the west village it is and it gets postponed another year. I may never get there, but I still want to.

Shopping at Pat Fields and Trash and Vaudeville. I have not been to Pat’s in decades. I imagine the store on 8th street in the 90’s, but still I want to visit. The same with Trash. My dream of Trash is being 14 and getting to touch cool clothes for the very first time. I spent an entire paycheck on boots there at 15. I probably wouldn’t find a thing I could relate to these days but I still get the urge.

Going to White Castle, yep, I will never go there, but driving past it on Queens blvd gives me the urge to taste a burger shake and fries. It would destroy my body internally and externally, so I do not take that urge seriously.

The Met. One if my fav paintings is George Washington Crossing the Delaware, so big and bold with the horses and the ice, I can just feeeel it. It blows me away, takes me right to the revolution. Gorgeous. I want to show it to my kids. One day I will.

All of my old apartments, including the one I owned in the west village. Easy come easy go.

Jumping in all the city pools and sprinklers, Ft Tryon, Tompkins Square, Houston and C.

Inwood park and the Dyckman House, i just want to walk the streets from Dyckman to the bridge, stopping at Sheila's building, Patricia's, Ellen's, Good Shepherd.  I actually drove past Susana's as we detoured across Dyckman, but I did not get to get out or eat puerto rican food or anything.

And of course i missed seeing all of you the most. So many beautiful faces, so little time. Happy for the one's i did see. Hopefully next time.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

rodeo drive

los angeles is grand. southern california is the american dream. the weather, the sky, the mountains, the ocean, the desert, everything so close and beautiful. and then there is that thing where some locations are as far away as connecticut or philly is to ny.

i had to take the kiddo to see a doctor today and it was a trek. so out of the way, but i did happen through beverly hills and i decided to stop and go to the gucci store, which i had been wanting to do for weeks because they have a new edition of a classic gucci boot out that i really wanted. Black, silver or beige leather higher than an ankle bootie, almost mid calf, back zip with a square toe and classic horse bit on the front. i have lusted for those boots for a decade or so when i saw a pair in white crushed patent. really really want! so we went to rodeo drive.

rodeo is another planet to me. it is the antithesis of my lovely silverlake los angeles life. I parked my car in front of a taxi-cab-yellow rolls royce, needless to say it was really unattractive, but i had to honk and yell at all the tourists taking pictures in the street just so i could get my car in. i must admit that i did feel a bit self conscious in that i was not looking my best and i had on no makeup and frizzy dirty hair left over from my humid new york visit. That plus a wrinkly summer dress and no bra, but alas i barged in like i belonged there and tried on the $1100 boots.

they were ok in real life but the truth is that i cannot do the 5 or 6 inch heel anymore, it is just too much. I can still dance all night in a pair of platforms that conceals a 4 inch slope, but my days of going steeper than that are behind me. alas, i am indeed showing signs getting old. so be it. i took the salesman's card, but i am not getting the boots. unless i find them for a fraction of the price at some point, then i get to satisfy the urge and not feel guilty for not getting much use out of them. they were cool but not great. with age comes the wisdom to know when to refrain from embracing, yes?

btw, as i am still a little homesick, i have been wanting to post this, which i came across when i posted liza singing new york new york a few days ago. it is her doing that song again, but at one of the first baseball games in new york after 911. she can still belt it out. amazing. a real fun tear jerker. xxh

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

100 words wednesday, sid and nancy and mick jagger

Today I learned that Mick Jagger paid Sid Vicious’s legal bills when he was arrested for the murder of Nancy Spungen. I learned this when happening upon an old interview with Johnny Lydon, who said Jagger did it quietly, not making a big deal out of it.  How incredibly kind and thoughtful. I had a similar experience when I was facing brutal legal fees. I have unending gratitude for the thoughtfulness that was life-saving for me. Nancy and Sid were babies, by the way. She was 20, when she died, not far from being an adolescent. Sid was 21. RIP.

oh how i adored this track as a young teen

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Bill Cosby and Oprah

wow! I am blown away by the New York magazine article featuring all of the women Bill Cosby raped. I read each woman’s story out of respect for each of them and respect for their courage. I am a big fan of innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. It is really dangerous to cross that line and I do so very consciously here only because the evidence in this situation is staggering. Bill Cosby is a serial compulsive rapist.

I remember a story Oprah told about Bill Cosby where she was at an event and he came up to her and said something to the effect that …no one was going to tell her, so he would, that she was wearing too much make-up. She took the interaction very positively, really appreciating that he cared for her. She immediately agreed and was so happy to be told so she could change. I did not have any attachment to Bill Cosby, did not love his show or anything, but I remember really disliking him when I heard the story. I remember thinking that we all have opinions about how other people look but the proper way to behave is to keep you opinions to yourself unless asked. I think the story illustrates how big his sheer audacity is, that he really thought that his opinion was more important than Oprah’s, that he felt entitled to comment on her appearance, that he acted like he was being helpful, and that even Oprah, one of the most powerful people in entertainment, was influenced by him. Imagine if it was just some stranger saying that to her she would have been like, Who the F asked you? When she told the story, there was not a trace of her thinking, how dare you comment on my appearance, not a trace. 

Bill Cosby is shamelessly bold and arrogant and I am thrilled that his behavior is being uncovered so that at least it will stop it from happening to anyone else. I truly hope that everyone involved in this horror finds peace.

Monday, July 27, 2015

bringing home the oscar

so my sister asked me to ask tom to bring the oscar to new york for the family and everyone to see. i figured it would be too much of  drag, but he was just coming for the weekend and traveling light and was happy to make everyone happy. he brought it.

that thing is a real hit. everyone really lights up when they see it, they all hold it and take pictures. it is a an iconic part of american culture. the family was so happy and  we had a great time ending our trip hanging out with the gang and the oscar and eating chicken cutlets parmesan and eggplant parmesan, new york style. it doesn't get much better than that.

at jfk, though, because we travel light and only do carry on, tom was a marked man and because he would not be scanned they had to search him and his bag. it really was a hilarious scene from a movie when the tsa agent was walking around the airport security area with an academy award in her hand, which she did not know what it was. She told tom that she did not think that he could bring it on the plane and carried it over to her supervisor who was a classic old school new yorker with the accent and everything. all of a sudden tsa workers were coming out of the woodwork, gathering around, asking what he won for, the whole bit. none of them had seen the film, (ahhh, the boroughs) but they were all smiling and congratulating him. of course he did indeed bring it on the plane. you gotta love those new yorkers. sad to go. happy to be home.

oh hell, lets just go there already...

Sunday, July 26, 2015


"When someone beats a rug, the blows are not against the rug, but against the dust in it."- Rumi. i iwll leave it at that. 
love you all. xh