Thursday, April 5, 2012

all transformation is possible. happy easter. love is big.

My father passed away over a decade ago. A few years ago I visited his grave in the Bronx and was followed out of the cemetery by a white foggy ghost. It was a hot sunny afternoon. The sun was high in the sky. I wore a cotton dress and flip-flops. An employee of the cemetery gave me a lift to the grave on his work vehicle. The sun was shining when he picked me up. Clouds appeared as we approached the grave. “That’s weird,” He said as he drove away, referring to the sudden cloud mass. Moments later he was gone and I was completely alone for as far as the eye could see. 

The sun was now covered by clouds, except for a few rays that came down like on a religious card. It was dark out at 2pm. I started to talk to my father. I talked about my feelings and our relationship. I started to cry. It started to thunder and rain. I was not afraid. I cried inconsolably for 20 minutes hugging the tombstone that I had picked out, draping my soaked body over it, yelling and howling and kicking out my grief. Then I was finished and I was completely silent. Still completely alone, I stood up and composed my self. In that instant the rain stopped and the sun came out.

I walked away from the grave in a soaking wet dress. It was hot out. A funny white mist or fog or something, something which I have never seen before or since, surrounded my feet. It followed my as I walked along past all the graves. I talked to it, laughed and joked with it. When I got to the cemetery exit my clothes and hair were completely dry. I stepped out of the foggy mist and it dissipated, disappeared. I said goodbye and crossed the street.

I have been thinking about my father. I encountered two happy successful versions of him this week. I spent time with these great guys who could have been my father Raul. They both had his features and mannerism, used expressions like he did, talked excitedly about subjects that he cared about, smiled like him. I felt at home and at peace, happy for his transformation and for my getting invited to be with him in different ways. 

Love is big. it doesn't go away. Everything is right here right now if you are paying attention. My life is magical. Everything is everything. Happy easter. Easter is a metaphor. All transformation is possible. Dig?

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