Thursday, July 18, 2013

I was a secret troublemaker

I had an ex who, as a young teen, would break into homes and steal furniture just to go set it on fire somewhere and watch it burn. That was not my trip, but I totally get it. Why not, right?

Some of you may have heard this timeless classic before:

As a kid I used to enjoy making lots of trouble that I could pretty much guarantee I would not get caught doing. It was a way to act out my rage and protect myself. I got in trouble all the time for things I did not do, so I figured I might as well do some things that justified all the trouble I got in.

Once I got the idea in my head to throw a bag full of books out the window and pretend it was a person jumping. Darkness, I know. The way I chose to avoid getting in trouble for doing it was that I talked my friend Marla into doing it. She was easy. I just said how fun it would be if we threw a pillowcase full of books out the window and pretended it was a person jumping. Marla was a brilliantly wild being, like Divine, big, loud, and she didn’t care about any consequences. She was also just a great friend. She was up for it before I even finished the sentence.

Together we dragged the pillowcase full of books up the stairs to the top floor of her six-floor-walk-up building. On the way, we passed her sister Lizette, in rollers, hot pants and platform shoes, smoking a cigarette on the landing.

Marla was so much ballsier than me. I had the idea, but I would never have been able to bring it to fruition on my own. As she gleefully tossed the bag, I shuddered and she boldly shouted “I’m jumping.” As the books crashed into the alley where the garbage cans were, I convulsed in a fit of laughter as I did at many of my crime scene. I also cringed, knowing it was really fucked up, and, dare I say, wrong.

As we walked back down the stairs we passed Lizette again. Marla, grinning ear-to-ear, and flooded with adrenaline, asked here sister, “Did you hear me?” Lizette took a drag on her cigarette and without missing a beat said in her sexy Bronx accent, “Yeah Marla, I hear ya. The whole fucking building heard ya.”

on a separate note, this song comes in at 2 minutes and 44 secs, just like a ramones song

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