oh she’s so messed up…
as messed up as I was in my youth, somehow I figured out the trick to manifesting what I wanted.
I came from a crazy working class home where the dream for me and my life was that I would have health insurance. My parents hoped that, with my college education and all, that I would grow up to get a good receptionist job. Yes, a secretary job would be even better but I was not the typing type and they knew that.
I graduated NYU with honors and went to work in a basement of a gallery shipping art. I had no idea how to be in the world but I knew that no one was going to take care of me or give me anything, so I got to work. I struggled with hideous rent and living on change for a bit in college and then something changed. I am not sure how or what. It was entirely unconscious, like the universe shining a light on me. Here you go kid, you had it rough enough…
Somehow, I learned to ask for what I wanted and dedicate myself single-mindedly to my objective, and somehow things just kept manifesting. It started with silly stuff like guys. And I am talking really silly here. I would fall in love with some guy’s name or his hair or something hideous and that was it. So, I would see a cool guy and decide that I wanted him. It was never an issue as to weather he would like me or anything, it was just an assumption that he would and that I would have some kind of relationship with him. And I would. That is some serious ninja mental powers, but I didn’t even know what I was doing or how. I did not know that apparently I could have anything I set my mind on. So I set my mind on small silly stuff.
Actually the ability to manifest was there even before college. I had set my mind on going to NYU, a private school, and did not even think about the cost or the fact that my family had nothing to put towards my education. I just knew that was where I belonged and so I got accepted and I got a scholarship.
How did I do it? When I saw something I wanted I said “I want that”, when I heard people talking about how they had something I wanted I said “I want that, too” and often they let me in on it, what ever it might be.
Once I heard someone say they were going to a pool party in manhattan and I NEEDED to be there, so I said “I want to go too” and they said “come on!” At the party I talked to the right people and found out how I could throw parties there. That is a whole other story, but it worked and I did, I threw my dream pool parties on 1st street and 1st avenue and made tons of money too. It was pretty simple math. Ask and you shall receive. I never imagined that anyone would say no and I was not afraid to ask.
So I got guys and cash and whatever else I wanted for a long stretch and then, as is the case with life, I went from flow to ebb. Bang! It was like I was sucker punched. Things started drying up and I was just stunned. I was not wise to any kind of informed thinking, creating, manifesting. I did not know how to ride out a dry spell. I had lived in the desert for so long and then I came upon an oasis and then it started to go away and I was not prepared for it. I did not know how to ask and believe that I was going to get, because I was asking and not getting. and soon I started to forget to even ask. Classic. I got really messed up by my fall from grace.
But then I learned how to manifest consciously. Necessity is the mother of invention. I started to educate myself so I could recognize the tricks of the trade- gratitude, service, focusing on the abundance, not the lack, good business practices, perseverance, etc etc. Everything you need to know is out there for the mining-self help books, tony robbins type manifesting stuff, rich dad poor dad, little sentences successful people say, etc. A little mental shift goes a long way. I am not a ninja but I am doing well, happy as hell, loving my life. Joy to the world. Go create the life you want. Be happy. Say thank you every day for every bit. Love each other. If I could do it, so could you. xh
prosperity and manifesting is so un punk rock, oh well. alas, the song i picked is
all this and more