Monday, January 12, 2015

domestic difficulty


This is a story of domestic difficulty. How everything that could possibly go wrong did, and what that looks like. Read on if you dare….

Let me start by saying that the way that I am able to be a mother of two all week while my husband works “industry” hours is the weekend. During the weekend my body gets rested from carrying a heavy baby boy turkey around with me all day and I am available to do it again each Monday. Sooooo…..

My daughter’s school’s Christmas break from school was 17 days off so I had my hands extra full prior to this week. During the break my husband had to work weekends so I did not get to recuperate as needed and I hurt my back. He also worked on Christmas eve and new years eve. We made it through imperfectly and I was pretty shot by the end.

My daughter went back to school last Mondayand I was ready to get some rest and get back on my feet. But instead this happened:

Tuesday evening I got the flu. It was hard to be a mom and deal but I did.
Thursday my childcare person flaked on a date and I had to find child care while sick, which felt like enough already. My husband and I had a fight that evening and I was at the end of my rope.
Friday my husband said he would come home early to help me. That evening when my baby was going to bed, which he does like clockwork, my daughter yelled into the room and woke him and he did not go to sleep. Soemthing so normal was biblical in its magnitude. My expected rest did not happen, which is part of being a mother, but it just happened to happen on a terrible day, which I guess is also part of being a mother. I was starting to lose my mind from having too much on my plate, I could handle no more. Then, my husband did not come home early. I was done, spent, wrecked. He came home at last and we fought. I feel asleep finally, much later than I should since I was going to be the sole caretaker again the next day. An hour later he work me to ask about Tylenol for our baby who got the flu and was running a fever. I lost my mind, feared for my baby’s life, and somewhere around 3am pulled it together yet again and finally got some sleep.
Saturday my husband did not go to work due to the terrible family circumstances. I would not be sitting here writing had he gone.
Sunday, my daughter got the flu and was running a high fever.
Monday (today), I was housebound with sick kids. I put out an email asking for help.
Here is where it gets crazy.
Carla, a friend and neighbor was so kind to respond and to offer to do my shopping for me so we would have food for the duration of this thing. She was great and got clarity on everything I needed. Mainly I needed an organic cooked chicken to feed everyone for a few days.
Then I got a message that she had gotten me a raw chicken. I almost fell off of my chair. I was so shot and hungry and tired and wasted and now I was going to have to cook a chicken and clean up etc. I accepted that I had not communicated very well and I was ready to handle it.
Then my husband called to tell my that I am not invited to the Critics Choice Awards on Thursday. He is nominated but cannot bring a date. Someone had dropped the ball and forgot to tell him.
I had gotten a sitter for the night, an outfit, I had rearranged my work schedule and messed up a much needed doctors appointment in the process, all to go to this awards event that no one bothered to tell us I am not allowed to go to.  I finally broke. It had handled and handled and handled everything and universe just seemed to push and push and push until I gave in: UNCLE!!! I broke. I sobbed out of pity and went to the darkest place on earth, my core wound. This rejection literally messed with my core wound. As a child I had my heart broken by pedophiles and addicts and adults making poor choices left and right. That is an old story. I have healed those wounds but after a full week of test after test after test, I was down for the count and the core wound was got busted open. All I could do was sob like the little girl who had had so much taken away. I was destroyed over not getting to go to an awards event.  
Having a baby that wants his mama every minute does not give me much time for indulging so pretty fast I decided I would watch the awards on tv at a friends house, since I do not have cable. I was back on my feet, back in reality with a proper perspective. Then…
Then Carla came to my door with a cooked chicken saying that she figured it out and returned the other chicken and got the perfect cooked chicken for me. (it was delicious, more delicious that any chicken ever). She added that she was so glad that I reached out because she knows how hard that can be. Did I hear that correctly. She did me a grand favor and then had empathy for how hard it was for me to ask for help. My mind was blown by kindness. My Soul was eased yet again by the true healing medicine of empathy.
The night ended with my babysitter flaking about working thursday night, the big night I had booked her for because I was going to my husband’s thing, which I wasn’t going to. So much for watching it on tv. Universe really did not want me to see this event for some wacky reason. Ok, I will not see it. But the best part is that I am OK. I will be home bound with 2 kids with the flu if anyone wants to come by and say hi tomorrow. Peace out!

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