Wednesday, January 28, 2015

to have and have not

Wasting time tonight, don’t feel like writing but I am doing it.
Sit and write. Can’t think of a single thing.

I had grown up in much deprivation. As a kid, I did not get to have many things or experiences. Never really got to splurge and just get stuff. Some of that was good. There is way to much money wasted on junk in this world. But lack has an effect on a person. I believe that there is a happy medium but I did not experience it till later in life.

So as soon as I had some cash I reinvented my experience. For a period I was just a kid in a candy store buying food and clothes and taking cabs and traveling and doing all the things I had never gotten to do. I went to Coney Island and rode all the rides and stayed on the cyclone 5 times in a row and played every game in the arcade to my hearts content. It was swell to just “H A V E !!”

On my honeymoon we stayed in a hotel I had always wanted to stay in and my husband took me to swim with dolphins and he bought the photo package, something I would never in a million years have gotten to do or buy. The cool thing is that when you adopt a child you need to have these wholesome photos of yourself, outdoors, no sunglasses and smiling. As art snobs, my husband and I had almost no such photos in our 10,000 plus iphotos, but we had the dolphin shot!

Anyway, I have gotten that lack out of my system, out of my cellular makeup. I want for nothing. I have everything and then some and much gratitude for it all. 

I ramble, but my point is please let go of the “what I never got” story, just give it to yourself now, rewrite that tired old story. The new chapter I am working on is not about stuff but about the inside job, one section is devoted to “empathy”. Man is it hard to give what you never got. So inch by inch I am trying to give empathy to myself. I write to remind myself. Keep reading you never know what will come up tomorrow….