So today my husband Tom was nominated for an Oscar for his editing of the film Whiplash. It is the highest honor in his field next to actually winning. There are so many layers to this so I will just tackle:
1. Being the Spouse. It is interesting to be the Spouse, rather than the person in the spotlight. I had/have been in the arts with very mild fame. I like to say that I have 100 hardcore fans around the globe. As an actor, musician, writer, I have dreamt of being recognized in a grand way, but it never happened. So it is an interesting test of my mettle to have my spouse get this honor. And it surprises me how easy and comfortable a fit this role is. I am so happy for him, so comfortable to support him and not have any of the attention. It is actually a relief. Putting myself out there has always been something I have done, but it is incredibly uncomfortable and an extremely difficult mental challenge to stay out of attachment to the external validation and to not buy into the judgment. He’s much better at it than I am. Tom is so naturally at ease in all of this. He is genuinely humble, gracious, kind and savvy.
2. Depth vs. Span. Tom is so hard working and focused. He worked in a video store in High School and knew he wanted to work in film his whole life. He has never done anything else. I on the other hand have done everything, tried everything and had mild success in many fields. Maybe that is why we are together. Maybe our different brain types go well together.
3. This is being called the whitest Oscars ever. Tom Cross is half asian. Represent, Tom Cross, represent!!
4. Being a peon in a land of giants. There was a time when some people would say I was a sex symbol in my little east village New York City Scene. That was a long time ago. It is interesting to go to an event where no one cares at all about me or even my husband. Hollywood is what it is. Tom’s category is televised at least but we will be sitting in the balcony. I did, however, find out that there are people who will be happy to dress me even if I am technically invisible. (Not to you guys but to the mass media etc.) Anyway, we will be perfectly happy and at home representing the Asians and Latinas, Inwood and Purchase, the imperfect and the human, enjoying the ride!!!
5. It could not have happened to a nicer person. My husband is so lovely. He is still friends with three guys from kindergarten and first grade. He got two calls from old friends, men, saying that they cried when they heard the news. That speaks volumes to me. My husband is so sweet and his friends are stand up solid people. Tom is the personification of Conan O’Brien’s quote. “if you work really really hard and are kind, amazing things will happen”. He inspires me everyday. Yep.