5 years ago Feb 13th fell on a
Saturday. That was the day my daughter was born. Very few moms get to sit there
and watch their child being birthed into the world from a front row seat. I saw
her pop out. The chord was wrapped around her neck three times. She was not
blue, but I was not allowed to hold her right away.
The birth plan was that I would hold her first, for as
long as I needed.We had all
agreed that all of the post birth procedures would be delayed. The bath, the
shots, the eye drops. None of that needed to happen so abruptly and
disruptingly. Let it wait till I held her and made her entry into the world
soft and easy. I was very into the “golden hour” bonding thing, where I would
hold the child for the first hour of her life, her skin on mine. I had bought a
special button down shirt for the occasion, it was actually snaps, so I could
hold my naked baby against my naked skin and let her know that the world was a
safe and compassionate place. That I was her mom and I would keep her safe and
Instead the midwives and nurses put her on a warming
tray. She was naked and they massaged her body under a warm light, not unlike
the trays they had at McDonalds that kept the french fries warm. I stood next
to her held her hand and talked to her and looked at her and let her feel my
presence for about a half hour until they finally wrapped her in a blanket and
handed her to me. I unwrapped the blanket on the front, and held it against her
back after popping the snaps on my shirt, 1, 2, 3, done, so I could nestle her
against my skin. We sat like that for a long time.
A lot of other things were going on in the room. The
atmosphere was imperfect to say the least. I struggled to stay in my own little
world with this beautiful perfect little creature that was just born, brand new
to the planet. We gazed at each other and apparently she decided to keep me.
I still have that shirt. I bought it in a thrift shop
without caring about the style. It is yellow plaid and sort of western style. I
imagined it would get bloodied and trashed but there was no blood on her, just
some white stuff that new babies have on them. I still wear it now and then.
Gosh, she was so cute and special. She still is. The 5
years have flown and I suspect the next 5 will as well. I am so thankful. I
have the best daughter in the whole wide world.