think I am finished writing about the Oscars, but I must say it was quite a
life event. My husband and I are really just starting to be back to normal from
it all. As he put it, “We were treated like Heads of State’. That is quite an
experience for a working class punk rock abused kid to handle, and yet I did.
2004, just over a decade ago I wrote and starred in a short film that went to
Sundance. I had been to Sundance in 2001 with another film I acted in called
Margarita Happy Hour. It was fun to go both times. I was a mess at Sundance,
both times, but especially the second time because I was not there with a
posse. It was hard to handle just the idea that the end of festival awards was
televised and that I needed to act properly the whole time because I might be
on camera at any given moment not as a person of interest, but just as an
audience member. I was in agony the whole time. It is hard to even describe why, responsibility, visibility, terror of success, you name it.
my blog can attest, I had some struggles leading up to the Oscars, but I need
to say that the day of the event we did not hit a single speed bump of stress.
The event, and even getting ready on the day of the event, was a fun easy good
time. That is remarkable for me. I was able to be present and enjoy all of it
without any compare and despair, or mental spiraling down, or even just
everyday self-consciousness or stress. In the very end, after preparing and
having feeling, the actual Oscars were effortless, I was so comfortable in my
skin in that crazy world. What a blessing. I have such gratitude.
funny note is that the friends who came with us to the Oscars also happened to
be at Sundance in 2004. I even stayed with them. I was a completely different
person. I am glad I have lived through everything to become the person I am. I
often think about people who pass away before they get a chance to manifest
their true self. How would I have been remembered if I had not lived up till
now. When a young person dies of a tragic decision, I always like to
acknowledge that they are so much more than the limits of what their life
circumstances might define. We are all so much more.
also think of the trial I went through and how much it stretched me as a
person. I remember a friend talking about how much I grew because of it all and
I had no idea what she was talking about, but now I do. Our darkest hours give
us our greatest gifts, they make us stronger than we will ever know. It may not
seem like anything has changed, but trust me, the depth of expansion we receive
from moving through pain is magnificent.
am still needing a lot of comfort food on a regular basis, but returning to
normal best I can. All transformation is possible. Harm reduction forever!!!