As a foolish young childless person, I imagined parenthood would be like the end of Minnie and Moskowitz where I, played by Gena Rolands, am enjoying my magical children dancing around and blowing bubbles and wearing cool glasses and having great hair and everything is pink and rosy. Alas, those tricky rose colored glasses.
I had no idea that parenthood was akin to single-handedly working on a farm for survival. That I would plow the earth from dawn to dusk and never get it all done. That I would be exhausted to the bone daily, so tired my feet ached, and never get enough sleep. On top of what a farm owner/worker might experience physically, I would also be challenged to my core on the emotional and spiritual levels, daily. Yep.
I had no idea that parenthood would ask me to face all of my issues daily, that it would drudge up so much of my childhood pain, my family dynamics, my anger issues, my boundaries issues, my perfectionism issues and my self worth issues. WTF! I had no idea that wanting to be different from my parents did not mean that I would just be able to execute that different behavior. I did not know that awareness did not mean anything other than I could witness myself acting in ways that were not ideal. I had no idea what I was in for.
That being said, today was amazing. I am writing this post from a great place, after an easy day. Many days are amazing, beautiful, perfect, touching, satisfying and easy. Parenthood is brilliant and I feel thrilled and lucky on a daily basis, along with all that other stuff. Maybe that is what climbing Mount Everest for 15 years feels like.
Anyway, this morning was exactly like the end of Minnie and Moskowitz. I made scrambled eggs and bagels and wore my heart shaped glasses and flowers in my hair and we all danced around in our underwear to Beggars Banquet (on vinyl) and everything was rosy! Lucky to be alive. So happy to be blessed with a family. I bow my head to the ground with gratitude. I had no idea what a range of feelings this experience encompassed. The good, the bad, the ugly and the sublime. All transformation is possible.
then there's this version: