Saturday, April 25, 2015

Lydia Lunch and me

Oh Lydia, we used to run inthe same circles. I would see you everywhere, all over the downtown art noise scene with Nick Zed and Beth B and everyone. I saw you read a rape story at Danceteria. You did a reading at a show somewhere James Chance was playing and you had a woman as your security guard holding a baseball bat. You were scary. You had so much presence. 

Then one day I was working as a perfume model in Macy's. My boyfriend's aunt got me the gig for the holidays. I felt so silly and out of place in my black turtle neck with my damaged platinum hair that I tried to smooth down and my heavy black eyeliner. The  ladies that worked with there did not know what to do with me. They  suggested I put on some blush and lipstick! How vulgar and hideous and embarrassing. Then I saw you walking down the isle, Christmas shopping! It wrecked me to think that scary Lydia Lunch Christmas shopped at Macy's, how utterly common and human.

Oh how the boys loved you! My band Fur used to cover the Dead Boys song about you, I Need Lunch. It was the epitome of punk attitude and just an act of rage to scream into the mic. My then boyfriend Phil was your friend and you came to see him and my band was playing and we were introduced and I told you we covered the song. I said I never thought of you when we did it, but now I would. I didn't know that else to say. I was nervous. You were so approachable, not in character, not scary, not much bigger than little old me. You  were nice, how different then I expected. 

Later you were in a documentary type film with some of my gang. You did a sex scene on camera with a friend of mine, where she talked about her fantasy. She was a sex worker with a heart of gold, a classy classic. You once again were larger than life and scary in you  shutdown fearlessness. That was decades ago.

I used to live in a world so close to you, you were my norm. Over time I have moved further and further way from that world and still your name comes up now and again amongst my old friends. You are a larger than life legend and powerhouse, a force to be reckoned with, just not by me. But you are still doing it and doing it your way, courageous and admirable in all your raging glory.

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