Wednesday, April 8, 2015

sleeper


I distinctly remember the day I decided to not to get up in the morning anymore. Well let me back track, I had never really fit in . I was born allergic to milk and no one figured it out for about 6 months, so I was off to a different start. I had entirely missed the 1980’s pop culture because I was angry and into hardcore and punk in a very focused way. I grew up pretty deprived financially, so I really did not shop in stores for things. I made stuff out of my mother and father and sister’s hand-me-downs or went to thrift shops. After getting a scholarship to college I got a job in a basement doing shipping 10am-6pm 4 days a week. I thought I was beating the system, but not really. 

Then, I got involved with this guy who had recently gotten out of jail and sold drugs and stayed up late watching cool movies all night, and slept all day. I got to stay up late with him 3 nights a week, but then I still had to be responsible and get up early the rest of the week and that was not working for me. Getting up had always been agony, I just wanted to sleep forever in a deep depressed sleep.

One day the guy told me what he had watched the previous night and instead of being jealous I decided to be like him, to do what I wanted, to sleep all day. I decided that he was my role model, that it was possible to not have an oppressive job and not have to wake up for anyone and that you could get by just fine.

The guy was way problematic, especially for a role model obviously, but all I could see was the immediate gratification, have what you want now. Immediate gratification is the root of many a problem but sometimes feeling good is the best you can do, and sometimes feeling good saves your life until you can do better.

I followed in his footsteps for a long time and eventually manifested my own way to prosperity and joy. There is a lot to be said for the idea of seeking to do what makes you feel good. I kind of stuck to the idea of not getting up early for 25 or 3o years. It was all magic and hustle, art and creative economics. I am not saying that this is the right way to do things, but it is what I wanted, what really suits me, and how I roll. Some people say work smart, not hard. I say manifest the situation of your dreams and let those dreams keep evolving, from being a child to being a grownup in a way that feels good to you.

Anyway, the getting up early thing is completely out the window since my first child was born. I get up most days before I want to. I still don’t like it. It is my least favorite part of parenthood. But here I am feeling good for other reasons, happy anyway, and relishing the few and far between days when I can sleep in.

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