Thursday, June 25, 2015

i am that lady

I read a friend’s post about the lady who comes to yoga late everyday and I thought I would share this just to give insight and perhaps create empathy:

I come to yoga late everyday. I have for about 10 years here at the Y.  I was late at other yoga places before I moved here. I have a lateness issue. The teachers never say anything to me, thankfully. They do not need to because I am saying it to myself. But more thankfully because I need to be there and appreciate my being allowed in and included with non-judgment. I really need to be there.

I have a history of trauma and yoga helps me. Yoga helps heal me, being a mind and body and spirit connection place, since sex abuse is a mind and body and spirit trauma. I am not ever being intentionally rude or disrespectful when I am late. It is all an inside job and I struggle with it and make progress with my healing. My struggle around lateness has been to let go of rushing and trying, because that has not worked in a decade. Instead I try to be in acceptance.

My lateness is not just about yoga. I have late issues all the time. That is my issue. I thankfully am not a drug addict or a gambler. I don’t hit my kids. I could easily have been/done all of those things. Luckily my stuff expresses itself as lateness. 

I do not blame anyone for being annoyed with my lateness. I do not write this as an excuse or to convince anyone of anything. I just write it to give perspective. I get it if people feel I am disrespectful because I am late. They don’t have to deal with me directly if it is a problem. Other people’s behavior bugs me sometimes and it is an opportunity for me to detach, practice tolerance, patience, anger control, or simply not have them in my life if the issue is intolerable. Someone doing something annoying in a public setting is a drag. I concur. Certain types of drivers who don't follow the rules drive me mad.  Sigh! 

Life can be rough. So many of us are carrying such fucking heavy suitcases. I invite you all to put that shit down. I write this to remind myself. I am so fucking glad that I did not kill myself or stick a needle in my arm that my lateness is the least of my concerns. One day when my bigger issues are all in check I may become a prompt person, but there is a chance I will be late to my own funeral. Thankfully I do not think I will die from the stress of rushing to be there on time. 
Sorry if I cause anyone pain. 
We are all doing the best we can. 
The struggle is normal. 
I love you.

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