Friday, June 5, 2015

Six things I remember about Kindergarten

1. I was afraid to speak up. I once got locked in the bathroom and did not know how to let anyone know I was in there. The bathroom was in the classroom with a folding door that was almost a curtain that pulled across the door and fastened. I remember the class leaving for the day and the teacher turning out the lights. And I just stayed there. Maybe I said something or maybe the teacher did a head count or saw the bathroom light still on after she turned out the lights, (that was probably it), because she walked back and let me out and probably asked why I did not say anything, but I just couldn’t.

2. I remember the last day of school as we walked out of the class room and down the hall, I saw a painting I did of an owl sitting on a tree branch that was hung up in the hall. I can recall exactly what it looked like. I really liked the painting and I wanted it but I was unable to ask for it. Maybe it goes without saying on these two, but there was a part of me that was frozen from trauma, as in fight flight or freeze. It took years to thaw, but thaw it did, thank god, poor baby.

3. I had never finger pained before and I was thrilled to hear that that was something we could do and so I tried it to see what it was. It wasn’t that great. I preferred real painting.

4. On day one I made a beeline for a really disheveled (in retrospect, obviously neglected, probably abused) girl named Lynn. She seemed like my peeps. I went over and said hi but she was too messed up to even reply. We did not become friends, not because of lack of trying.

5. One day in the class I found a View Master with a disk in it. Usually a view master was mobbed and you had to wait to get a turn and i never bothered, and here it was just lying there. I put it up to my eye and was shocked. The disc showed religious scenes depicting the Easter story. I remember seeing images of the rock rolled back to reveal an empty grave and then another of Jesus with the wounds (and emitting light maybe, glowy?). I remember gasping. I really felt for a moment that I held something remarkable, as developmentally I was still unclear about real and pretend with stories and movies and all that. I had heard those stories and I knew what it was and I couldn’t believe that someone had taken photos and that these images were just casually lying about!

6. I brought in a record of my favorite song “Me and You and a dog named Boo” by Lobo, which was wolf in spanish, talk about kuewl!  I was so into it when the teacher played it and I was annoyed that kids were not focused and listening to this masterpiece and the lyrics. Hearing it now I can hear the musical influence it had on me.

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