Tuesday, August 18, 2015

i am f*cked


I am a soggy beat up noodle

First day of kindergarten kicked my ass. My daughter is fine and I an ready for hospitalization, exhausted to the bones, and feeling unable to do anything tonight. Still I type.

There is not much to it. I like the school, I love her teacher, everything is going to be fine, but adjusting to a new routine is psychically depleting. The walk is the same length, many of the faces are the same, it is simply the few new rules and procedures, that have done me in.

My last five weeks have included traveling as the only adult with two kids to ny, managing being in constant physical pain due to some back injury, leaving the preschool community we were very bonded with, going through my son having an operation and waiting to find out the biopsy result, which was negative, thank you universe, leaving my job of 11+ years and having my daughter start kindergarten. Oh and throwing a wedding/vow renewal event. My husband also wrapped a big job and started a big job. We are packing as much life as possible into our summer months. Maybe that has added to the devastation, but I think it was just kindergarten, single handedly kicking my ass.

The thing is I have spent my ENTIRE grown up life avoiding the system and now I am a full-fledged card-carrying member, mother of a public school kid, up at 7am for the next 12 years. I hope I enjoy the ride. I am sure it will be enlightening...... I am scared to the core...... Ah, that’s it! Fear not felt is exhaustion, yes? (And anger not felt is depression, so if you are in that kind of pain, try to get in touch and get mad. Feel those feelings. I write this to remInd myself). Sorry I have nothing further to say. Love you all.

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