Tuesday, August 11, 2015

If you are on the fence about having a kid


If you are on the fence about having a kid, let me share with you how nuts it can get. (and why I did not blog a couple of night ago)

My son needed to have a medical procedure and he had to be put under with anesthesia. (I could not even write about it until it was over). I had to get up at the crack of dawn to get him to the OR. I was terrified he might die, particularly because all night he kept waking up and getting out of the bed and crawling as fast as possible out of the room. He never did that before and he was not in pain and I thought it was a sign. it reminded me of how sometimes an animal knows It is dying and runs away. It was really hard to walk in faith but I did and exhausted, with no sleep, I sat in the waiting room, waiting to hear that my baby was ok. He is like pure sunshine and I could not imagine the world without him. I watched bad tv to numb out. Luckily a live chase was happening on the 5 freeway and I got to be very distracted with addictive content until they came and told me he was waking up and was fine.

He did not nap the rest of the day since he slept so late. I unfortunately depend on his daily nap to have the energy to parent two kids each day. At one point I put him in the car because he yawned and I was determined to drive him to sleep and get a nap, but as I circled the block I almost feel asleep at the wheel. I resigned to no nap and we picked up big sister from school.

When I finally got the kids to sleep that night I was staggering around trying to make lunch for the next day and he woke and I had to patiently lay with him till he was asleep. I made it across the finish line and was going to finish a few chores and finally have a moment to myself when my daughter burst out of her room throwing up. Her bottom drawer had been opened and she managed to throw up into it along the way out of the room. In the state of over exhausted overdrive, I cleaned the throw up and changed the sheets. Luckily my husband came home and stayed up with her for the next several hours while she vomited. I got to sleep, sad that I did not get to have a moment with him, but there is always tomorrow, hopefully.

Today was almost impossible to parent. I was so tired and really needed a break. I fell autistic in that every minor hurt was magnified. Everyday my kids step on my foot instep, every hair pull, pinch me or pull on me but today it was all excrutiating. Still I loved them and took them to the park and played ball and ran around and got them fed and into bed and here I am.

I am thrilled to have kids and have no regrets about the choice. I will say that the physical part of the experience often reminds me of being a farmer working in the fields from morning till nigh fall and it gives me a lot of gratitude for my parents. Our parents made great sacrifices so that we could be alive and be here now. Trust me on this one. You might want to call them and thank them.

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