In 5th grade at the Good Shepherd catholic grammar school I liked this kid in my class and his friend liked my friend. One day the friend wrote a note to my friend asking if she and I would like “go out” with him and his pal. If yes, we could go to the park after school.
Of course we both said yes. We said yes in a flash. Even though I was dreading the event, there was no way I wouldn’t go. I was dreading what “go out with” meant. I was dreading what we were supposed to do. What if my guy tried to kiss me. I was dreading the idea of kissing a guy, mainly out of terror of the unknown and not wanting to look foolish for not knowing what I was doing. The whole day I was a mess.
I remember that I wore an emerald green long sleeved leotard, which was a body suit by Danskin, and jeans. I met up with my pal and I remember both of our skinny 5th grade arms swinging by our skinny flat chested bodies as we strolled along together, tough and experienced babies, bravely venturing to the meeting place.
The guy I liked was great looking as far as I was concerned, but what I did not know at the time was that the other guy was the great one. He was funny, outgoing, social, and he made conversation and jokes. He made the double date a fun experience. I had always gotten along with him, but never felt attracted to him. My date was just a snore in retrospect, he didn’t really talk to me or anything. I was fine with that at the time because I didn’t know that I wanted to be talked to, I was just terrified and happy to be left alone on some level. Going for the looks over the substance was a long standing pattern for me for many years. Bad idea, people.
I was conservative in the boy department for a long time. I just was not ready. I was interested but not ready, until I was ready, and then I did everything my heart desired. That was one positive trait about me. I was in terror, which was a shame, which was a product of my history, but at least I listened to myself.
After the date I “broke up” with the guy. That was enough for the time being. My friend may have broken up with her guy too or stuck it out a few days and then did it. I do not remember. Ah, the horror of early adolescence. If your kid is in pain over an adolescent heart break just remind them that there is no rhyme or reason tot eh young brain. I am sure that will comfort them tremendously.
Even though I believe in divine decadence and trying everything and living life to the fullest, I am also a big fan of saying no. I always tell the youth in my life to say no if you are unsure if you want to do something. You can always say yes later, but you can’t undo what has been done. Life dances on….