So there are shortcomings that I work on, like the
fact that I am a hyper-reactive person. So, if someone honks at me I am in the
fight, “Oh yeah, Mother F*cker?” The reason is my programming, the goal is to
let it slide off my back and the reality is that I go there in a flash, but I reel
it back in faster and faster over the years. I can notice the reaction and stop
it in almost as fast a flash as it started. One day, maybe, I will not take the
bait. Maybe there are rare occasions where I don’t. It is a continuous work in
progress that I participate in.
Then there are things that I will never try to change,
it just is who I am and while the trait may not serve me, it is not a priority,
like the fact that I have a difficult time in social situations, particularly
around groups of strangers. It is not fun for me. I do not feel comfortable. I dread
mixers where I am meeting all kinds of new people, or hanging around lots of
mild acquaintances, for example when all the school parents get together. Yuck,
it is a big anxiety fest. It is so much easier to write about my vulnerability
here than be present when meeting a whole bunch of nice new people. The reason,
I do not care why, the goal, I have none. I just grit my teeth and go when I have
to. It always works out fine and I make new friends through no fault of my own
and I still dread it. Thank you to all the socially competent people in the
world who are generous to the inept ones. I appreciate it.
Ps, I am unable to handle one more thing right now, so
cut it out universe, I am so done. There is no capacity left. Lighten the load.
Lets chill to the beautiful sounds of Althea and Donna…..Love is all I bring…