Monday, September 28, 2015

"hey biker, don't maul my fall" -holly

One time this biker gang member, who ran in some of the same circles as me, liked me and I was sort of horrified. His gang was the real deal and I was so not down with that stuff, the violence and un-reachable un-reasonable un-touchable separate-from-the-rest-of-the-human-race quality. Not my thing. Never gonna happen, no way. One night he was walking past me in a nightclub and my fall (which if you don’t know, is a wig, a hair piece you wear with your own hair to make it supersonic larger than life, long fat hair) got caught on all the stuff on his leather jacket and his walking by jerked my head and mauled my fall and he seemed really embarrasses as he and I had to untangle our selves. Tre uncomfortable.

Nothing ever happened but we did cross paths many times and once, at a friends request, he drove me home after a gig and helped me get my Marshall amp up 4 flights, which was very kind. I needed the help. Later he was about to beat up an employee of mine due to a misunderstanding, not kind, and I stepped in and cleared things up and saved the day. Urg.

Anyway, my impulse was very judgemental and compartmentalizing, that’s what I do with everyone who might be an enemy or who I might be scared of, for whatever reason. He is “blank”, stick him in that box and lock it, end of sentence. Eventually, because we would be forced to interact several times, I had to figure out how to still see him as a human being while keeping my boundaries. Boundaries can be like brick walls for me and again and again I am asked to still have them, but with a little more breathing room. Its a great practice for me, a needed practice, and i appreciate the opportunity whenever it occurs, even though it i shard. Still a big challenge for me, it is easier for me to cut you off with an ax, than to engage and politely have my boundaries, but I am getting better. Thanks. xxH

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