Thursday, September 17, 2015

this is radical: the leaping IS the net

unconditional love has invaded my life and it is so powerful, it is what makes all of the difference. In the book The Road Less Traveled, the very beginning says something about how most people can make their life what they want, except for this tiny percent who were never loved and are hopeless. Sorry, I am paraphrasing something I read over 20 years ago, but I remember reading and just feeling despair. Sometimes the hole is too great to be fixed. Some boats can be mended and some sink.I have a sister who loved me to death, but I was so starved that I just needed more than any one person could provide.

I was talking to a friend about how I did not have the sweet teenage experience of lovey dovey first love. I was an anarchist in an open relationship. We were loving in our own way but so messed up. Everything was great and different but challenging and all about survival and makes for great stories, but the bad ass element was so detrimental, there was no soft place to land, really, ever, really. The armor saves your life but then it gets so uncomfortable and starts to kill you.

 For some reason, i really wanted a better life and I somehow worked like a dog to be soft and vulnerable and to feel and to try to love and let love in and that was harder than any of the survival stuff. I’ve written about it, I know, the terror, etc.

This is the thing: Seeking to allow love into my life gave me the capacity to be transformed by love. Enduring the horror of being vulnerable and allowing softness and love is what healed me of the violent wounds. You know that saying "leap and the net will appear", well the part no one has ever mentioned is that the net cannot do anything but appear because the leaping is the net. The leaping is the net. The leaping is the net. Leap.

Anyway, I am amazed by the crazy love fest of a home I have created for myself. My kids are amazing, my husband is the best and I show up better and better to receive all this good stuff. My life is a mind blowing miracle and I have such gratitude. Thank you,thank you, Thank you. No one is hopeless, nothing is a lost cause. All transformation is possible.

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