Sunday, October 18, 2015

82, do I amuse you? Part II




So I was a bit deprived of going to amusement parks as a kid, among other things. And then in my twenties I got into some business that brought in lots of fast cash and I went insane giving myself all the things I had never gotten.

I took cabs and ate at restaurants and bought dresses and make up and even some couture. It was all terrific. The best thing I did was go to Coney Island just about every weekend and ride the rides as much as I wanted to. I could ride the cyclone 5 times in a row, skee ball till my wrists hurt, get every silly fortune told to me and go home with a pocket full of plastic rings and trinkets that made me so happy and looked beautiful on. I still wear and love plastic arcade jewels.

One night I was out and about and my boyfriend disappeared, did not say goodbye. We were not doing so great, but it was weird. I found out the next day that he went home with someone else and for a short spell, maybe even just 24 hours, they were a couple. It was really painful to be what felt like to me targeted so aggressively, I mean, just break up with me if you were that mad or I was that bad. I wound up at coney island after hearing the news through the grapevine and that day I rode the Zipper, the worst possible ride and then I jumped off the pier with some friends on a dare. It was just what the doctor ordered.

I am taking a stab in the dark here, but I think that going on really intense rides might help change your brain in some way, shake up the neurological pathways, or shake up the chemistry or just create energetic activity the way that drugs or shock therapy might. I think that because when I was in the most pain, I needed to go on the most rides, the wildest, and it made me feel so much better. And wasn’t it wild. To be young and roaming the streets, free and looking for kicks, and to find some, for a fleeting moment. 

Thank god for boardwalk scenes, Coney, the Jersey shore, Santa Monica, whichever one, where ever. I am still madly in love with throwing cash around for cheap thrills and getting my kicks to the max. 

Find what you need, what you lacked, what you long for, and give it to yourself until you are sufficed. Give your 6 year old self what she needed. xxH

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