Thursday, October 1, 2015

99: it is hard to give something you never got


99 days till 50: Today I was a really good mother and gave my kids all the love and attention and kindness they needed and it was exhausting, so I ate chocolate to have the strength to go on. Being present and available is not my forte, but I work hard at it, because it is so worth it. As I said many times before, it is hard to give something you never got. But alas, changing the historical pattern of generations changes the world. That being said,  can I tell you how unrewarding it feels? It is so boring and uncomfortable to do the deep inside work despite it being worth it. And this applies to ANY change you might want to make, lose weight, stop an addiction, let go of clutter, stop dating unavailable people, change you life……

Ok, so a rocket is off course 90% of the time. It constantly veers off course and is brought back. Those minor adjustments make all the difference in regard to the final destination. It can make light years of difference over time, yes? A small correction goes a long way in the arc of a rocket or the arc of a lifetime. The reason people fail to make those corrections is mainly because there is no external validation in the work. The work to change feels sluggish, depressing and uncomfortable because we are literally carving new neural pathways in our brains, fighting against the current of the path of least resistance. Going against the current is not comfortable, it is going outside of everything you have ever done and everything you know and it is hard work and unfamiliar and thus very uncomfortable. And, there is NO PAYOFF, for a while at least. It just feels terrible and for me depressing, because there is no drama there either. Whatever payoff you get from the behavior, you certainly do not get from changing it, so why bother? Why?  Because all that stands in the way of you becoming who you want to be and having the life you desire, is a stretch of depressing discomfort that will indeed end. If you move through it, knowing that there are no cash and prizes for a while, you will find the gold. I promise. Do yourself the honor. 

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