Thursday, October 29, 2015

71: adventure and freedom part 2

so as I was saying the other day this guy hustled, not as a sex worker but more like a grifter or carnie, or the character paul newman plays in the film of the same name. anyway, he hustled instead of having a job and thus became my role model for how to get by in the world because he was the first person I knew who didn’t have a lame job, but instead got by in a different way that seemed fantastic.

I realized later that his way was not ideal at all, as you can imagine, but he planted the seed of hope in me as I struggled along to find my way in the world, to figure out what I wanted to do and how to support myself without any outside help, support or guidance. I was starting a square one, or below that, a little kid in the world, trying to figure it all out and I had good instinct, just not enough information.

Figuring out a hustle is great but it still is a kind of paycheck to paycheck thing unless you get really lucky. it is a real gambler’s game and does not turn out well for most as they get older. Later, a smart person explained to me that you never want to use what you got to live a lifestyle, you want to use it to get to the next level. That is hard advice to understand or to apply when you are struggling. But I stand by it. I am still figuring it all out, doing it differently, trying to find balance between freedom and adventure and responsibility. 

Take care of yourself both today and in the future. I still appreciate that hustler’s appearance in my life diverting me from the awful working class path, inviting me to do it different. Everything you do matters. You might go down some road that might seem to lead to nowhere but along the way there is often a fork, another path, an unexpected one, that takes you to where you were meant to be, or where you need to be. Hugs to you all. xh

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