I am so tired and beat up after this course of events. I was barely able to write last night. My plan was to jot down a line about how bad I felt and then I realized that I needed to explain why and that lead me to telling the story of Nick Alexander, my friend who was killed by the terrorists at the nightclub in Paris http://hollyramoswrites.blogspot.com/2015/11/55-hold-light.html
After the first line I knew that the post needed to be only about him and nothing else and somehow writing gave me the strength to tell the story. And I was happy that my writing helped a few people.
The part I left out is that I am haunted by the idea of my smiling friend mowed down by a machine gun. It is too overwhelming to fully accept. I have not directly known anyone who was murdered (that I can recall at this moment). I have felt like I have the flu. I had chills, body ache and an imagined fever and it is hard to parent, or even eat. I feel unable to change a fucking diaper. My husband let me sleep till noon yesterday but today I had to participate more and it is exhausting. Grief is a long process. My experience is minor compared to what his family and loved one’s are going through, and so many families in Paris and the world. I am sending love and empathy to all affected. Love to all around the world.