this one guy
oh I adored him. He was in a band that I thought was amazing. (big surprise). He was a little older than me. We had this awful back and forth thing.
At first he had no interest in me. Then one night we played our first show together and he approached me smiling and asked if he could crash at my place (his band was from out of town). I was beaming when I said yes. Finally we were hooking up….
When he got to my place late that night he had brought a girl with him, not for us to be with, but for him to be with, maybe me, but either way, for him. I was so shocked and devastated when I opened up my door. I should have just shut the door and said sorry for the misunderstanding, but I did not have the skill to handle myself in bad situations yet. There happened to be an extra empty bed at my place that night and I just acted casual, like I was not hurt or had any expectations, after all we had not discussed the matter, I had just assumed. I just showed them the empty bed as if that was what i was expecting and went into my room and lay there with the tv on sick to my stomache from the rejection. That was the end of my interest in him.
Then one night a year or so later at the greendoor, I was dancing by myself and I was in my prime (one of my many primes). I had blossomed from the fan to the star. My band was cooking, my hair was beautiful, I had tons of cash, lots to show externally, mucho confidence, and it was MY PARTY, the greendoor, this rocking scene where everyone was dancing and having an amazing time and hooking up.
Out of nowhere this great looking guy grabs me and starts dancing with me in an equally confident way. I did not know who it was but it was fun. After a while I realized it was the guy. We went to my place later that night and after he got me off I just went to sleep and did not reciprocate the sex act. I used to do that sometimes, it was a bit of a vendetta, to equal the orgasmic score between men and women in the world. Silly I know, but that was part of my empowerment process, and not the most terrible thing. Anyway, I was also just exhausted- we had danced till 5 am and then I had a sexual experience and I had nothing left to give. Sorry. It was also a bit of unconscious revenge from that past night. Se la vie....
The next morning I had to go to the Coney Island Mermaid Parade and I had not finished making my fin and I was in no mood to finish the sex what we had started. (And yes, we made a short film that included that story and went to sundance in 2004). The parade was a big deal to me, one of my favorite things to do each year and I planned on doing it so I sat and I sewed and he left.
Well life danced on and he showed up again at one of our greendoor parties. This time it was on 1st street in nyc and there was a pool in the back yard. Oh man, my dream come true, Some of my favorite memories happened at that apartment turned nightclub and pool party. So the guy comes over and flirted a bit and I reciprocated because he was fun and goodlooking. After he ensured that I would go home with him again, he started to hit on this girl who was very problematic and competitive with me. I did indeed experience a mild twinge of being dumped for someone else. It wasn’t a big deal, but i wasn't happy about it. I did take pride that he still needed to come to my parties, because they were the place to be. I do not think i have seen him since.
At the time I thought that he got me last, but I got him best. The whole affair is still funny to me. So silly. Gosh I used to be so competitive in my wild wild wild youth. Now it is all water under the bridge. Thanks and sorry. Best to you, dear sir.