Thursday, December 17, 2015

two times I called my sister crying

Sometimes I call my sister when I just need to tell her of my horrible day and have someone listen. I did it today because our Christmas card got messed up by the company making it and we won’t have it till after Christmas. Small potatoes, I know. But also my son threw up in the car. His antibiotics could not be made at several pharmacies and I spent a couple of hours trying to get it for him. We are supposed to travel soon and may not get to. I am washing heads and sheets more than humanly possible each day due to a situation in the home. My husband is working late all week so I am not even seeing him. He did not know about the epidemic in the house and put dirty towels on top of clean ones and everything had to be rewashed as if it wasn’t already enough wash to drive someone mad. Anyway, things are crazy difficult right now, so I called and cried. 

(I write all this because I feel like I am in a tidal wave of hardship and I am curious what will make it end. I have been told to surrender and I feel that I have, but I sill have to “plow the field” all day long and it is so exhausting. Lets see how I get out of this mess. Hmmmm. Anyway I have gratitude for again tonight having two additional adults helping me. I am so lucky to have help, but I am still beat up pretty bad and feeling like I am getting sick.)

Then I remembered this other time I called my sister sobbing. It was on her daughter’s birthday. I was working for this famous hair designer guy who did runway show for fashion week and magazine shoots. I was the wrong person for the job. I was supposed to be his assistant and I had no idea that that meant that I was just supposed to be there for his every need. I was just waiting for the day to end so I could get paid. Anyway, I was trying to get to my niece’s birthday party so I managed to get out of a photo shoot that was going on for too long in my humble opinion. I got to grand central and just missed the train to her house so that meant I would be there an hour later. the party was almost over already and I had tried so hard to get there on time and I burst out sobbing. It wasn’t a healthy sobbing, it was more like an insane sobbing about my whole shitty life, not just that day.  I was broke all the time, working awful jobs, dating unavailable guys and just not happy. I called her alot in that way. I am really glad that I am not living that life any more and I am not calling her in that way. Today was just a drag. And she was there for me. Today my suffering at least has purpose, I am taking care of my family. I am lucky.

Sometimes it is hard to do what you have to do.

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