Ok I am going to be a drag, but then it gets really really good in the end, as in you really might want to remember this….
So this week was devastatingly painful. Something happened socially with my kid which I can’t go into due to privacy issues, but ouuuccccchhhh! Kid is fine, I’m still recovering.
Other than that, and combined with that, I have been in pain around being a parent. I adore being a mom and wouldn’t trade it for the world, but there are parts that are really lonesome, isolating, boring and somewhat depressing. I am in it alone at times and friends cannot relate to parts or even help really.
More specifically, I am in the part where I have a toddler who I have to watch every second and it is hard to finish a sentence and many of my other friends have kids past that point and I am just excluded from things. Tat is part of life. But for me, my “old story” had alot of pain around exclusion and the current course of events kicks up many painful feelings. No ones fault. Still ouchy!
So I am lucky to have beautiful healthy kids and great friends but sometimes I am very alone in it and no one can really help. It is just an inside job. I have been in that ache all week and some social events have just made it worse. I will be ok but, like many things in life, I have to ride through it and do the work myself and no one can fix it for me, and it is not fun at all. It hurts and it is scary and I want to run away from my feelings, but that never works…so here I am.
On top of that, I will add that MERC IN RET is not helping. Yep. Mercury is in retrograde and that can make accomplishing things hard. I left the house to go to yoga (which i really needed to help me through my pain) and had a flat tire. My cell phone screen became unreadable and I had no phone (at a time when i needed support, i got more isolation) and when I got one, I lost a ton of contacts, all of my playdates this week cancelled (which is so disappointing to the kid), a week when I needed them….bla bla bla.
Here is the good news. Stick around to the end for the great news that might serve you.…
Lost phone contacts but in trying to recover them I got back a bunch of vital phone numbers that I had lost “for good” last year and now I have your number again!! Yay!!
Seconds after leaving my car to be fixed I ran into dear friends on a random block in hollywood, who were kind and comforting.
My friends WANT to help me through this icky patch, even if they can’t. I do have great friends even if my old story of exclusion is up-old story is not really true.
Play dates got cancelled but I managed to replace them with better ones.
So I keep pushing through, trudging on, it is all going to be ok.
Then, I was told by a great friend (I never knew this), that Mercury in retrograde indeed mucks up the pipes (is that an expression?), but also is great for creativity. Mercury is returning to finish things that have not been finished, like the way a ghost comes back to work out the issues of the deceased. A great time to heal an old wound, yes? So it has purpose. Things are getting worked out here.
Lastly, my pals, thanks for sticking around to the end…the great miracle I wanted to tell you all about is that as busy and crazy as I am, I am rehearsing with my band, which I love, and somehow I actually have time to be in a band. I have felt like there is no time to do anything and yet, because I am taking action in a positive direction, for myself, time is expanding for me.
Time expands for us when we do things for ourselves.
Time expands for us when we dare to take some time and do something for ourselves.
Time will expand for you to do that thing you need and want to do but don’t do because you do not have enough time.
This is a miracles that I want to model for you. The enlightened world says it happens but it is so hard to believe that stuff when you are in the grind, but it is true. Time expanded for me, it will for you, too. Just do it.