Wednesday, January 6, 2016

hours and hours after I was born a black nurse handed me to my mother and said "She gonna be bad."

Today I jogged in the rain (glorious rain!) and sobbed it all out, all the doubt, pain, fear. Goodbye.

When I was born I was whisked away to a nursery. I was not with anyone until hours later when my mother awoke, which is when I was presented, pink and tiny and bathed, with freshly combed baby hair and a bow taped to my head.

I have written this before: The black nurse handed me to my mother and said “She gonna be bad.” That is the entire report of my birth story.

No one knew what time I was born. My mother was heavily drugged for my birth, which was common at the time. My father wasn’t there. My aunt who could be helpful with these type of things was watching my sister. I was devastated because the lack of information only reinforced the fact that no one cared much about me.

Let me just validate that it is unusual for your parents not to know when you were born, and I did have a rough life. However, I also want to say that using things to reinforce the case you’ve built is not a good idea. It would be better to leave it at “no one knew what time I was born”, but for me it was more than that.

So when my friend offered to do my chart and needed my time of birth, I went into a tailspin. (urg, poor baby). I decided to write to the hall of records for my original birth certificate. They offer you a short form birth certificate, which does not have the time of birth on it, and a long form, which does. I paid for the long form and waited.

As is often the case with things that are very loaded, things run amuck. The birth certificate came after weeks of waiting and IT DID NOT HAVE THE TIME OF BIRTH ON IT.

I called frantically until I spoke with someone who could look it up and see that I paid for the long form and correct the issue. They corrected it and I waited endlessly for the new certificate to come in the mail. And finally one day I got my long form with the time of birth and I gave t to the friend who successfully did the chart.

And you know what? Very soon afterwards it all became so unimportant.

I have no idea what time I born. After all that, I forgot what all my research revealed. I have the long form somewhere and I can look it up if I need to, but I don’t need to right now. The journey, not the destination. Peace to all.

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