Back in the youthful days of promiscuity, I encountered a handful of men who were willing to participate, but only so far. When I invited them up at the end of the night they declined. They came along for the ride, were into me, acted like it was going to happen, certainly kissed and what not, but stopped short of whatever. The reasoning drove me crazy. A few said “I have to get up early tomorrow” or something else to that effect. They drove me crazy because they were not doing what I wanted but also because I could never imagine how anyone would postpone LIFE because they had to get up the next day. They were out late at some kind of nightlife place already. What were they looking for or expecting? I never saw the bigger picture. I was young and wild and living life to the fullest in the meager ways I knew how. I could not see any perspective past my own. One said “I’d better not.” Another said “I should be good.” It was all mind blowingly infuriating and frustrating. Who cares about being good? Better not?!? I had no idea that they were doing me a favor, for whatever reason it was not supposed to happen. Even on the simplest level of: they are not livers of life in the same way I am.
This is just a silly example to remind me that rejection is protection and that my perspective is not the only one in play.
I will say that there was one cool guy who explained that it was too soon and not a good idea for him, that he wasn’t good with stuff like that. He was so refreshingly sincere. But alas, not everyone is capable of that.
It is also a silly reminder for me to communicate clean and clear. That always feels the best in the end.
The hysterical part is that I postpone so called “LIFE”, my creative impulses and whatnot, I postpone that all the time because I am exhausted and have to get up the next day for that other thing called “LIFE”, the other thing I chose, the thing which demands me to get some boring rest, being a mom. Life rocks.