A while back I wrote about this guy in grammar school asking me to be his girlfriend and my saying yes, but knowing I did not mean it because he was carrying an umbrella and wearing pointy shoes, two big problems for my 7th grade brain. I said yes but “broke up” with him the next day. What a jerk!
Little did I know how shoes and umbrellas would haunt my romantic attraction for many years to come. The blueprint was already there, even if I did not know it yet. Yep, it turned out that I could only be attracted to guys so messed up that they would never hold an umbrella.
Umbrellas are a drag after all. Once you get inside or the rain stopped you were stuck with this thing to carry. I threw out a million of them because I did not want the burden, but when it came to guys, I wanted one who never even carried the umbrella in the first place: was not responsible enough to have an umbrella; never had to be anywhere, so did not need to even have an emergency to one; Didn’t care it he was wet or dry; was always somehwre cool, so he never got caught in the rain trying to get there, he never tried to do anything, it just happened; looked great wet; was so magical he could part the rain and stay dry if he felt like it; so free he never even thought about common folk things like umbrellas, never even had one.
Luckily, after a few decades, I consciously chose to grow up. I can still get soaked for fun but it is a choice.
Maybe I’ll tell you about shoes one of these nights
oh hell yes...