Sunday, May 1, 2016

"Compassion is the understanding of the lack of understanding"

“Compassion is the understanding of the lack of understanding. It takes a tremendous amount of clarity, strength and spiritual maturity to practice genuine compassion.
Love offered from a place of true compassion is not personal; it is transpersonal, non-dual quality that emanates from the depths of one’s being. The spiritually-awakened heart practices unconditional compassion which expresses exactly as it needs to – tough love at times, soothing, comforting love at others. But love is always the view, the motive, the practice.” From the agape website

I read this a week or so ago and then began my week of really big feelings, the kind that rattle every nerve ending till it is raw and fiery, where you whole body is uncomfortable and all you want is a way out because the way though seems unbearable. I wanted to do any thing to relieve me of the ouchy itchy buzzy adrenaline-y, sensations of fear, anger, pain and trauma. Gross. 

I went to 7 eleven, a place I rarely enter, and craved the neon pink doughnuts, the greasy fried crispy sandwiches, the chips, the sugar, the candy, the soda, the shitty chocolate, more chips, and the gambling, anything to fix me, to make me feel better (ha!), to take away my pain. Somehow I walked out with just a one dollar lotto ticket. 

Next I tried obsessive thinking, spinning out on figuring a way out of having to feel anything by fixing everything. Since that is impossible, It did not work it just feel more adrenaline-y and brutal.

Miraculously, after getting some help to ground myself I somehow moved through all of those feelings without stuffing or fixing and got peace in the other side. I’d been wrestling with something for a while and all of a sudden I had clarity and guidance. I was laid up in the fetal position for a bit, recovering from all the popping off of electrical impulses in my body, but I got through. You can too. Why is it so hard to just feel things sometimes?

Anyway, I was left with the answer that the high road is always the way to go, that the low road promises immediate gratification, but often fail to deliver and even if it does give immediate satisfaction, it is never gives long term peace and happiness. And isn’t peace and happiness what we are seeking in the end? I write this to remind myself.

Sometimes it is really hard to get to love, but it is always worth the struggle. 

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