Saturday, November 12, 2016

Fear- Rage- Grief/Depression- Action - and Beyond-

Fear- Rage- Grief/Depression- Action - and Beyond-

(Note: this is imperfect, it is the best I got today)
I have been vacillating between fear, rage, grief/depression, and a meditative state of being that is beyond hate blame and judgement and closer to empathy since the election. Every one of those places is valid.

Fear: I live  in a diverse liberal place. I do not live in fear. After the election results, I was in a diverse public space and a white man started eyeing all of the lovely diverse people around me, including me, and began singing in a threatening manner,"All we are saying, is give trump a chance." to the tune of Give Peace A Chance. Then he left. I felt the fear and then the rage. I wanted to violently attack him, rip him limb from limb. How dare anyone come into my safe space, my life and threaten me. My seething rage for all things trump was unleashed. It was so subtle but it was crystal clear. Much worse is happening.

Most of you reading already know this but I want to clarify it for anyone who doesn't. Hate has been legitimitized by the election of a man who used attacking and blaming minorities to get elected. A group of people who are predominantly white, predominantly male and predominantly uneducated are feeling empowered by this election results to vent their frustrations on innocent groups of people identified by trump. They are following his lead. Hate crimes are on the rise in the few days since the election. I fear for myself and my kids, my husband, my family, and for all women, people of color, people of targeted religions and everyone in the LBGTQ community. This is not hype, it is happening and people are scared.  I am so sorry if you are being targeted or feel fear. 

This blog is about the violence from trump supporters, but I will add here that his policies are the source of their feeling empowered. His proposed policies are terrifying and again I am sorry if you are afraid or targeted.

Right here I want to note that only 27% of America voted for trump.

I also want to say that my I love men, I love white people and I have people in my life whom I love who are uneducated. I write this with love.

I have been afraid before. Many times. Two very personal and rather recent incidents include that a friend was murdered by a terrorists machine gun fire (breathe). And that a court of law decided whether I could keep my child or never see my child again (breathe. I cannot get into details on that but it was not because of anything me or my family did). Both times I chose to not give in to the fear. With terrorists I chose to be brave and not live in fear. Instead I left the house and lived in gratitude. With being in court for a year and a half not knowing if my family would be torn apart, I decided to choose love, action, and a spiritual path. I would love my kid everyday, and stay out of terror by meditating, and I would fight my hardest within that system. And there you have it. That is what I will do in the face of this election.

I will pause here to say that women, I am feeling you. The number of sexual assaults against me as a child and a teen and a young women and an adult are too numerous to go into. Another time. (one of many I am a survivor. It is so very triggering to have the president of our country, an authority figure, be an accused sexual predator who promotes sexual assault and dismisses the victims. And now by having been elected, is unintentionally giving those looking for an excuse to go out and assault. It is almost incomprehensible and absolutely unacceptable.

Thus the terror, of being victimized again (!?!?!), the feelings of grief, like someone I love has died. And the rage, which I will funnel into action.

I will fight for all targeted communities to the best of my ability and I invite you to do the same. I will stand for equality and fight against hate and harm. i have never been targeted for my spiritual beliefs, but I been victimized for my sexual preference, and my race. I do not need to have been the victim of a specific violence to still fight agains it. Which brings me to empathy...

Empathy? Empathy for haters and hurters? Motherfucker!  You are asking me to do hard work right now. Yep, I am asking that of myself. Not today, I am not feeling it yet, but ultimately. I am going there. A large part of the people who voted for trump have felt afraid, have felt the way we do now, for the last 8 years. They have felt powerless thinking that values or beliefs they hold dear was being taken away (I am working hard to stay out of judgment of their vales as I type that) or they have felt, or actually have been forgotten by the powers that be. Stephen Colbert shared a statistic from PEW Research Center saying "More than half of Democrats (55%) say the Republican Party makes them 'afraid' while 49% of Republicans say the same about the Democratic Party. 

Everyone is having big feeling and feelings are messy at best and really problematic at worst, especially for people without tools. Alas, folks, that's why I work like a dog to process my feelings and keep my side of the street clean. Education is vital, so is art and support.

Deepak Chopra has advocated for meditating into the place of "being" beyond judgement and blame.  That's hard but I am trying. That was how I got through my court experience, that is the only way I got through. The truth is that hating, blaming and judging don't fix anything for me and they don't help us feel better other than for a temporary moment. The only thing that helps is empowerment. Being brave in the face of fear, standing strong with the persecuted and fighting for my family and others is my only solulution for me. I am writing this for me. If it helps you, please share it with others and let me know. 

No comments:

Post a Comment