Thursday, February 9, 2017

take a break

We fly to London tomorrow. Today was the day to do my hair, nails, run errands and pick up my dress. I had 5 childcare situations set up but because it was a snow day they all fell through. I had big anxiety in the morning just thinking about being housebound with two kids, let alone how much I needed to do but couldn't. The person doing my hair couldn't do it. My dresses were locked in a snow-closed business and there was not a lot left to do.

The last time I got my nails done was two years ago for the Oscars. I am not a nail girl. It is boring and a waste of money. I am too physical and I wreck the manicure that same day. The gel one is supposed to last, but it only lasted. 3 days on me last time. I went to the oscars with chipped nails. Still, it is a detail that needs attending for these things.

I noticed the nail place across the street from me was open, so I took the kids. I was going to get my gel thing done and let them soak their feet, play with the massage chair and get their toes pained. But the wait was a half and hour and my kids wouldn't last that long. I had them fed and ready and the wait wouldn't work, so instead we went to the park and played in the snow. 

My daughter is a wild child. she was doing flips and diving face first into snow piles. And at some point she came to me crying and said she need to go home. Her curls were caked with ice. At that point my son was standing in his sock in the snow, with a boot lying near by. I get a lot of anxiety as a mom from their wild energy. They are such wild animals and I am in charge of keeping them alive. Dear god.

I rushed them home, which was about  5 blocks and everyone was fine, but I was exhausted. We had some fun today but eventually we all clashed and yelled and eventually crashed and burned. I was not a great parent, more like a six year old. I was under too much stress and forgot to be the adult. I eventually mended with them and I colored my own hair and I am too tired to be stressed now. I wil get the dresses and the nails tomorrow befor I fly. What ever. Luxury problems.

The remedy for me right now feels like I need a gratitude list:
I am grateful for my strong working body.
I am grateful for the strong beautiful planet earth
I am grateful for snow.
I am grateful that my children are strong and healthy and have a lust for life and are wild animals and not goody goodys, not suppressed like I was
I am grateful for my eyes, and all my working parts
I am grateful that my husband lives his bliss, loves his occupation and is successful, which is rare and beautiful.
I am so grateful to be married to a kind hot amazing man
I am so grateful to get to play music and create fun events
I am very grateful for my show and this blog, which keep me from the hell of social media blackouts in these politically painful times.
I am so grateful to be on the right side of history and to be part of the resistance.

How do you know you are on the right side of history? inclusion, lack of fear, and lack of controlling ness are the clues. Our country has always been torn between people who exclude, who hate and fear and who want to control the bodies and sex lives of other people (ewww, controlling personalities are so unattractive) vs. people who are not afraid of "the other", who strive to unify and include all and who let others live and let live. It's so easy to choose the attractive path. Let it go, dudes.

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